I'll be home for Christmas

I'm heading home to Indiana for the weekend. Unfortunately, I couldn't take any time off this year, but I'm flying so I'll have a couple of days to see everyone, at least. I've never missed a Christmas with the family, although I almost missed the Christmas dinner one year I had to work the morning of Christmas Day. It's hard to believe that was eight years ago now.

A good friend of the family passed away recently, and I wish I had gotten to see him one more time beforehand, but it was not to be. He was much loved, with a large family of good people. (Okay, one of them kind of dropped me on my head when I was an infant, but no harm done.) I used to go fishing in one of the ponds on their property with my dad, and we've always appreciated their generosity. My thoughts are with them this holiday season.

Blogging for an audience

I’ve been blogging for a little more than two years now, and it still surprises me what prompts a response and what doesn’t. For instance, three people responded to my post on the “nice guy” conversation below, while a post about a hot topic goes by unnoticed, be it an election, the war in Iraq, or what have you. I guess it just depends on who’s listening at the time, but it’s nice to know someone’s getting something out of it.

In case you’re curious, I don’t have a set method for writing posts. Sometimes something grabs my attention and I write it up right away, other times I let an idea gestate or compose some of it in my head before I start to put anything down. Once in a while, I’ll write down a topic I know I’ll want to return to, but don’t have anything articulate to say about yet. If it’s tied to a current event, sometimes these fall by the wayside. Occasionally, I’ll bounce an idea off someone. I did this with the conversation referred to in the “nice guy” post, with my roommate.

My intention wasn’t to criticize anybody in particular, or anyone who’s called me nice in the past, but rather to explore the idea a little bit in different contexts, and how that idea manifests itself in perception or behavior. Given the questioning of my mental health that ensued, this probably wasn’t as clear as it could’ve been. But I would ask anyone reading this blog not to read too much into any one post. Sometimes how a post turns out just depends on the day I’m having. Sometimes I start writing one idea, and halfway through it gets taken over by another.

I’ve occasionally posted previously written material, but I’ve never deleted a post. When I’ve edited, it’s been for grammar or clarity. I realize that with the rise in RSS feeds, any editing done after the fact is lost on some readers anyway. At the risk of sounding uninspired, if anyone would like to suggest a topic they’d like me to post about (that doesn’t involve selling something), email me.

A clarification

In case it wasn't obvious in my last post, I was being sarcastic when I suggested being a jerk would attract women. The internet isn't always good for conveying that kind of humor, especially when you adopt a conversational tone to begin with. Regardless, being myself and trying to be a good person are the only things I know or want to do with my life. After all, you're looking at yourself in the mirror every morning.

Who finishes first?

I’ve been told by many people, under various circumstances, that I’m a “nice guy”, but an incident this week bears repeating. I’ve recently been thinking that when a prospective romantic interest tells you this, he or she (as this undoubtedly happens to women as well as men) is not just seeking to spare your feelings, but also his or her own. Rather than tell someone “I’m just not attracted to you” or “I find you boring,” which may be just as accurate, saying “I think you’re really nice” spares one the discomfort of having caused someone else disappointment.

But it doesn’t really. The other person is still disappointed – it’s just the romantic interest who gets to feel off the hook, at least to some extent. Wanting to spare someone else’s feelings is an admirable goal, provided not giving the real reason doesn’t do the other person a disservice. Wanting to spare your own, while perfectly understandable, is somewhat less than noble if you could provide insight on what the asker could do to improve his or her chances in the future. But who wants to do that, and why should they be expected to? They didn't ask for the question (presumably).

Then there’s the whole “nice guys finish last” maxim. On a Simpsons commentary track for a season 8 episode in which Lisa falls for the bully Nelson, who’s stolen a hood ornament, one of the writers gives his advice on getting the girl. If you have the chance, “steal the hood ornament,” because otherwise “you’ll end up someone’s second husband.” Leaving aside the +50% divorce rate after five years in this country, is being someone’s second spouse such a bad thing? Does it imply, as he indicates, that one has failed to attract a more desirable person? What happened to the idea of falling in love, and that being what matters? My mother is my father’s second wife, and they’ve been married 34 years.

Anyway, ponder if you will: a married, older woman says to me, “You know, you’re a really nice guy. Has anyone ever told you that?” I replied yes, but it doesn’t always seem to be a good thing for some reason. She tells me one of her relatives was a nice guy, and he ended up marrying a very overweight woman her family disapproved of. When asked why he would want to marry her when he could do so much better, he apparently told her “I know she loves me, and I may never find that again. I just don’t want to end up alone.”

I can’t help but wonder what I was meant to take away from this exchange, if anything at all. To be clear, she disapproved of this, but was it because her relative didn’t return that love, or because she thought he should have held out for something better? Or, as I took it, was it because he was too much of a “nice guy”? The criticism seems to be, if you were more of a jerk you could do better with women and get what you want (because everyone knows women love jerks). So my question is, how much of a jerk would she have me be? Is 10% less helpful and kind enough? 20%? Shall I blow off everybody for an hour a day, or just a few people all day long?

All I know to do is be myself, and try to be good person. If anyone has any other advice, I’d love to hear it.

Rewind

Phil asked me what brought that last post to mind, seeing as how it's been a while since it came up. I started reading Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky recently, hence the title of the post, and there was a quote in there that had something to do with it. Also, I've been reading a running dialogue on the TV series The Wire, including some of the people who make it, and a quote by creator David Simon has come up more than once. "(T)his season is to take argument with those who feel that if you're born without privilege, but make the right set of choices, that you will be spared. To do away with that bit of national mythology." The season centers around middle schoolers slowly being sucked into drugs and violence by their inner city Baltimore surroundings.

Naturally, that sentiment is a lot easier to come by when you're writing about inner city African-Americans, but being a white man, Simon has caught some flak for his take on the subject. Whether or not you feel it's warranted depends on if you believe in the universality of human experience, which most artists, including myself, take for granted. There is no human experience that is completely foreign to me, because I am human.

Reading Dostoevsky

Some time ago, my roommate brought up the idea that maybe it's a mistake for parents to tell their children they can grow up to be anything they want, because when they grow up and realize this isn't true, they become disillusioned and (I would add) maybe even resentful. Would it be better if your folks skipped the optimism and let their kids decide for themselves what was possible and, by extension, not possible in their futures?

Most if not all people reach that conclusion on their own eventually, and at least superficially this seems a profoundly anti-American idea. After all, our media is full of stories where people overcome the circumstances of their upbringing to succeed in the world and grow rich and/or famous in the process. Movies are made about their lives to inspire the parents of the next generation to continue the cycle.

But what about the (vast) majority of people who don't? What if those same people who strive would strive regardless of what they're encouraged to believe as kids, and those who settle for a decent life quietly lived staring up at them would be happier as adults without ever having the possibility dangled in front of them, just out of reach in a future that will never come? Would we be better off both as individuals and a country without the expectations?

Well, I can't quite believe that.

While it's true there was plenty of innovation and economy prior to the very idea of America, much of it was relatively anonymous or to the credit of the aristocracy at the time, and it's more than luck that drives America to still be the dream for countless people all over the world. The promise of America lies in its ideas, foremost among them that you can do what you set your mind to do. Whether that involves working a farm or starting a media empire, we believe the opportunity is there, even despite a preponderance of evidence to the contrary.

And if we as a people ever stop believing that could be us on the TV screens or in the White House, America is likely to become a far darker place, because the impulses and moods kept in check by that hope have been decidedly uglier since at least Vietnam. Fear, paranoia, and a will to dominate are dangerous in any country, but as armed as the U.S. has been and will remain, woe to the country that eclipses us in the future. We're going to need to hold onto our ideas and ideals because they're the most effective weapon we have against our own darker natures.

Day trippin'

I managed to come down with the worst sore throat of my life by the time we left Pedernales on Saturday, although I didn't realize it until I woke up around midnight. I got about eight hours of sleep total over the weekend, given the whole sleeping on the ground thing.

I think I realize now why it had been so long since I'd been camping - I don't enjoy it very much.

Seeing the falls was really cool and hanging out with friends was fun, but I think I prefer the idea of day trips ending in a nice, soft bed at night. It was definitely worth seeing, though.

Speaking of worth seeing, if you skipped The Prestige a few weeks ago, definitely check it out. This is one creepy, mind-bending, suspense movie, reminiscent of Memento. It's based on a novel, but is at no time less than compelling watching. And the ending is a kick in the gut, even if you see it coming.

Pedernales camping.

Getting animated

I saw Flushed Away after work today, Aardman's new computer-animated film. It retained all the wit and inventiveness of the claymation films in the move to the new medium, a feat in and of itself. It's also one of the best films I've seen this year. I envy kids growing up now the quality of their animated entertainment. I watched cartoons growing up, but the only thing that really holds up to adult viewing is Batman: The Animated Series on the television side, and some of the Disney movies. (I'm referring to what was originally released while I was a kid, not the classics.) Between Pixar, Aardman, Miyazaki, and Dreamworks, there have been more great animated movies released in the last five to ten years than in all of my childhood combined. This is undoubtedly the reason I'm still such a fan of the medium that I go see them in the theater by myself, as I did tonight.

I'm going camping this weekend for the first time in almost ten years, so I had to go buy a tent. I went to Wal-Mart looking for just a couple things, including the tent. Both the air filter and the headlamp bulb I needed for my car were out of stock, the only models of each that they didn't have. I told the woman helping me there must be a lot of Eclipse owners shopping there lately.

Journals

I was just reading a review of a book I'll likely never read that referenced a scene in which the narrator refers to a room of his house where one wall is concealed floor-to-ceiling with journals, some of which are written in huckleberry juice. This immediately made me think of Fight Club, when Edward Norton is reading stacks of old books and magazines rotting away in a house with leaky ceilings and sporadic electricity. But I also wondered, how long would it take to read all that stuff?

When you consider how long it takes you to write a page versus read one, it's pretty clear you could do it up until a certain point in your life, even if you wrote in your journal everyday. The serial killers and mentally ill you read about may even write all day everyday to accumulate their libraries. But there would eventually come a time in everyone's life when it will become impossible to read everything you had written up to that point in the remaining life left to you.

This blog is only the fourth journal I have ever kept, following an English class assignment, my travels on my semester abroad, and "Notes from the Road", published here in February 2004. My roommate keeps journals, and when he comes to the end of one, he re-reads what he's written before starting the next one.

Now imagine how much better of a grasp you could have on your own history if you were to read your journals all the way from the beginning to the present. Memory is unreliable, personality is malleable, but the written word doesn't change. Assuming you weren't making things up, and allowing for the fact that you may have consciously or unconsciously held things back when writing, you may discover truths that you were blind to at the time and gain real insight into yourself. Or you may just unearth forgotten memories and the faces of lost friends, like looking through a photo album.

But this is the promise of blogging for me, and probably many others, keeping a record and being able to reflect on it in the future. Sometimes we lose ourselves to our circumstances or surroundings, and this is a new tool available to us to find our way back. It's up to each individual whether or not to let others peek in at the same time, like handing someone your diary, and here's the difference: almost everyone blogs for the world, while reading someone's diary is still an intimate act, and done without permission, a violation. I don't know if that's a sign of the connected world's narcissism or truly a blossoming of openness in expression, but it feels like a good thing to me.

Lovesick

I haven't had many relationships, and they've all been short except one, which probably doesn't count as a relationship since we were living hundreds of miles away from each other for most of it. I don't have the experience of most people my age, and lately I've felt that lack.

One day I woke up and realized I was bald, a bit overweight, and feeling old, and it occurred to me that I might never have the chance to make someone else happy and fall in love. That was a scary moment. In some Asian countries, due to the preference for male babies over girls, there is now a 3-1 ratio, and since very few have the means to leave, there's going to be a large population of men that simply never get a chance to start a family. I read this fact has been identified as a threat to the future security of the world, as men who can't find an outlet for their emotions are more susceptible to manipulation by terrorist recruiters, cults, and the like. While that's thankfully not the case here in the U.S., the fact is the longer you wait, the harder and more uncertain it is when you start seriously looking, at least in my experience.

I spent years as a single guy with no attachments, and someone was recently telling me how studies have shown relationships are harder to maintain for people like me because they're used to getting their way to a large extent, and doing what they please. This makes me fear I may have grown selfish with my time and energy, and while I have tried to meet people and dated some in that same timeframe, I really wish I had made more of an effort now. Part of it was circumstance, probably some of it was arrested development, but I can't deny that it was also lack of interest. I felt like there was no hurry, and while that was true of getting married, say, it wasn't true of learning how to love someone.

Which is a long way of saying, when you do fall in love, you realize what you've been missing, and cherish it all the more, regardless of whatever else may be wrong.

I can already hear the counter-argument from those who fell in love at a young age only to be hurt repeatedly, and it's true I don't know if it's worse or better than the heartbreaks when love fails. But right now, I have to side with the poet who said "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." Because the feeling of loving someone is worth having, and holding onto, even when it's not returned. I can only imagine how much better it must be when it is.

Drama

Lately I've been experiencing situations commonly known as "drama". It's a mixed bag, but a few of the good things to come of it are:

1. Loss of appetite = potential weight loss
2. Creativity up = writing again
3. General warm fuzzies in close proximity to object of affection

The bad things include:

1. Sleepless nights
2. Restlessness and difficulty concentrating
3. Extra sensitivity to harmless comments meant to amuse

I'm a very laid-back person under normal circumstances, so this is rather unfamiliar emotional territory for me. I'm lucky to have friends and family to talk to, but I can see how people in other circumstances can have trouble with this kind of thing. I'll try to be more sympathetic in the future.

Golden age

I've been reading that we're living in a golden age of television at the moment, with more popular series that are also high quality than have been on the air in many years. I wouldn't know, since I rarely watch series TV, but there have been a few things that have caught my interest in the last couple years.

Right now, I'm in the middle of watching the second season of Lost on dvd. I watched most of the first season and lost track near the end, so I gave up on it for a while. Then I borrowed season 1 from Jim, and fell in love all over again. When Julia offered to lend me season 2, I jumped on the chance and I'll be done with it in less than a week. It's that good.

But it's not perfect. The first season really suffered from poor music selection at the end of episodes, where some horrific thing or other was usually glossed over in the last minute with a pleasant guitar strum under slo-mo laughing on the beach. I haven't caught as much of that in season 2, thankfully, but there's also the matter of the pregnant pause. In typical Hollywood fashion, no one can say anything just prior to a commercial break that doesn't cause a complete halt in the conversation for at least five seconds of emoting before the cut to black.

Still, I look back on all those afternoons and evenings of my childhood, when I would watch whatever was on for no reason whatsoever, regardless of quality, and I wish they'd been making material like this at the time. Thanks to dvd, I have the opportunity to catch up on other shows like the Shield, the Wire, and Deadwood. Almost makes me want to get cable again.

Scene from my night

"I don't hold your hope against you," I told her as we stood with our arms around each other in the parking lot.
"I'll call you," she replied.

And just like that, she was gone.

Remembrance

So I hear everybody's posting where they were when the 9/11 attacks happened today. I was at work. I heard the news on a coworker's radio, then turned on mine to listen. There were two television sets in the gym on the first floor of our building. After the first couple hours, we took turns going down to watch. In the days after, I remember news reports saying no one believed the buildings would collapse, but everyone in my office was talking about it as if it was a foregone conclusion. It was just a matter of when. One of my coworkers had been in the Air Force. When I asked him where he thought the president was, he told me without hesitation that he would already be out of the country in flight, so I was surprised when he was in Washington by that evening.

The drive home took me past the DFW airport, and it was immediately obvious there was not a plane in the sky. That was the first time ever I hadn't seen a plane landing while driving that road, and it made me sad.

When I got home, I went to the gas station across the street and filled up. There was a line formed already by 6:00pm. I had cable at the time, so I watched news, flipping from channel to channel until night fell, and then as I laid in bed in the dark, hoping that when I woke up it would all have been a bad dream.

Back in slack

I needed a breather. Buying, moving everything, then getting settled into the new house took a lot out of me. On top of that, my life's been changing in other ways since I turned thirty in May, and I've had a lot to think about.

I went and saw my uncle in Florida two weekends ago. He lives in a retirement community surrounded by golf courses, and I played almost as much golf in three days as I had in my entire life. It was good practice, but when I played again with a coworker yesterday, it was clear that old habits die hard. I need to start going to the driving range.

My right wrist started aching shortly after I got home from Florida, and I chalked it up to all the golf I played, but I'm pretty sure I've got some of that carpal tunnel syndrome that probably doesn't help. I've been playing video games since I was a little kid with an Atari 2600, and last spring I noticed for the first time I was having trouble holding the controller when I was playing my cousin's X-Box because my thumbs were aching. Not a good sign.

The Roky Erickson project is finally seeing a little movement. The Staple! producer left town and gifted me a couple hundred copies of the dvd that I've been letting out as a calling card and conversation starter.

I've been dating a slightly older woman for about a month now. She seems to share some of my sensibilities, while being polar opposite in others. Maybe that's a good mix. Meanwhile, I've been trying to get my head straight over some other relationships in my life, with some success. I'm not much for handwringing anymore, and I've begun using "high school" as an epithet for a way of behavior I used to suffer from, but managed to get over by the time I graduated college.

Other than that, all is well. The Simpsons season 8 just came out on dvd and is probably my favorite of the series. Today is a holiday, the second Monday I've had off in a row. I bought a bunch of new audio equipment and a tripod to supplement my video offerings for rental and production capability. I have to start seriously committing some time to studying for a certification test for work, since my free time there has disappeared of late as I've taken on a new duty that should prove valuable to the firm and my bottom line.

Drop me an email or a comment if I haven't talked to you lately.

The new place.

Home sweet home

We closed on a house yesterday in south Austin, so I am now officially a first-time homeowner. It's pretty exciting, and also a little daunting. I need to get the power turned back on, but things are shaping up pretty nicely.

Royal welcome

I bought a cd of Prince's greatest hits on my birthday last month, since I knew he was a phenomenal guitarist by reputation and I knew so many of his songs, which have gotten a lot more radio play in recent years. I don't know if that's because all his lawsuits were finally finished, but there was a time when I never heard him on the radio a few years ago.

I remembered liking "When Doves Cry" when I was a kid, and of course he did the soundtrack to Batman, which was interesting, and then there was the New Power Generation. His videos with them are the first that come to mind for me, probably because his '80's videos (the only one I actually remember clearly was for "When Doves Cry") were a little dated by my teenage years.

One of the few music videos my mother ever told me she didn't want me watching was "Gett Off", and of course that made it all the more memorable. By that point, Prince had taken his raunchy style to its logical conclusion, just in time to re-embrace Jesus and disappear for a while. I didn't remember just how strange and wonderful that song was until I heard it on this cd, but what struck me the most was how it was pretty much of a piece with the rest of his work, rather than an anomaly.

I can't think of any other pop artist of the time who was so willing to twist and distort his voice for bizarre effect at the top of his career. Just listen to that screech he lets out to begin "Gett Off", followed by some kind of wimpering moan that seems to go on and on. Or the way he uses a computer-like voice filter to drone on at the beginning of "When Doves Cry". Or his strangled scream at the climax of "Little Red Corvette" that follows a vocal run up and down the registers.

That got me to thinking, maybe Prince wasn't so popular in spite of such touches, but because of them. In fact, at least on the pop charts, we have nowhere near the eclecticism of the '80's, and to a lesser extent the '90's before the death of grunge. "American Idol" and the like push a kind of studied perfectionism on the world of pop music that, together with modern digital correction, results in a bland, perfect sound on every song.

Lest I sound too old-fogey-like, I must admit I've liked Kelly Clarkson's new album a lot, despite the fact that it suffers from the above, as well as being way over-played. At least she knows how to pick a good song. It's just too bad there isn't room at the top anymore for the artists really willing to be idiosyncratic and weird in the pursuit of their fame and fortune. Like System of a Down, they have a hit here and there, but they don't get to rule the airwaves like they used to.

Running man

I started a running program on Monday with Runtex, an athletic store chain down here that's pretty popular. One of my coworkers bet me $80, the cost of one month's program, that I couldn't take the class and then finish a 5k run afterward. I think he was just trying to motivate me to get in better shape, and maybe wanted a partner to do the class with since he joined too. I've never been much of a runner, but it will probably do me good, especially since it's difficult for me to work out with weights. Ever since my shoulder injury a few years back, I have to be careful and can't really push myself like I used to.

Speaking of which, we got massages at work yesterday for the first time in months. This guy seems pretty capable and knowledgeable, and even thinks he can help with the shoulder thing. I hope so, as nothing would make me happier.

Time will tell

It's funny how technology can destroy and create trends. Like fashion, sometimes it can even bring them back from the dead. Consider the pocketwatch.

A small device carried in the pocket used to tell time.

Sounds like a cell phone to me. I know maybe one or two people that still wear wrist watches, but nearly everyone I know has a cell phone. Ask them for the time, and that's where they'd check. Don't count on seeing the little chains anytime soon, though.

Party time, excellent

The party/birthday party went well last Saturday. We had a good number of people show up, so the duplex was full but not crowded for the afternoon. I got cool gifts, mostly involving alcohol, which I will use eventually, although I stuck to beer for the party. Phil, Lyndon, and I jammed on the back porch for a bit, including "Laid" by James, which pretty much rocked.

I was thinking starting the party at 1pm might result in the party being over by the time evening came, but we ended up with a small group sticking around all night. I turned in aroud 1:30am, and I was the first one out. Good times were had by all.

As I write, my parents, my younger sister, and her husband are driving down from Indiana to visit for the week. Tomorrow, my cousin Jim will be here too. I'm looking forward to spending some time with them.

We've basically settled on two houses to put bids on. South Austin, here I come.

Turning pages

My birthday's coming up soon, and we're having a party May 20th to celebrate. We're going to have it here at the place, like we did with Phil's back in October. I'm not promising I'll wear the Viking helmet or the T-shirt, but they'll be here just in case.

Phil seems to enjoy his new job, even as he's learning by experience rather than training. Jumping in the deep end, if you know what I mean. I'm taking on new stuff at work, which has made it a bit more hectic, but I can handle it. I sought out the new activity after all, since I hate being bored at work.

We're a step closer to getting into a house today than we were yesterday. It's getting kind of exciting. We won't be moving until June at the earliest, but I'm already thinking about boxes.

Walking out

I did something I'm not proud of tonight, and I don't know if I've ever actually done it before. I went to see Silent Hill, and I walked out a little more than a half hour into it.

Now, I love movies, and I've seen my share of horror movies at this point, although I didn't come to the genre until I was in college. It just didn't interst me as a teenager for whatever reason. But this movie turned me off in a big way, and it just wasn't worth my time to ride it out.

The thing is, I paid $8.25 for this turd, and I didn't want to go home without seeing something, so I ducked into Scary Movie 4. For about ten minutes. That one wasn't any good either, plus I felt a little guilty, even though I bought a Coke slurpee for almost $5.00 after I used the restroom. Maybe I should have asked for my money back, but I didn't feel like it.

I sincerely hope this never happens again, but jeez. Everybody says how faithful to the game it is, which makes me wonder if I'd like the game at all.

Man about town

I spent about an hour at Eeyore's birthday party on Saturday. It was interesting. When I first got near it, I thought it was a little like ACL, but after about ten seconds I realized how different it was. It was also a little like that Mardi Gras party I went to, Carnaval. There were lots of hippies and at least four drum circles, none of which stopped while I was there. It was a different kind of crowd than you see just about anywhere, at least in my experience.

Meanwhile, I had to replace my new computer chair, since one of the thin plastic arms that held it together broke in two places. I didn't realize this when I bought it, but like several others at Fry's the chair that broke was designed such that the arms were the load-bearing support between the back and the seat, which is not a smart design when you're using cheap plastic for the arms. Needless to say, when I turned it in for a replacement, I picked one that had a metal plate connecting the back and seat with a bunch of screws.

My roommate's got a new job, while continuing to work on his final Master's report. There's a bus that runs from right across the street from our place to right next to where he works, so he hasn't been driving his car much lately, or riding his bike, the preferred method of travel. I haven't ridden my bike since last spring, I think. Too bad, but riding a mountain bike on the road is harder than I remembered.

I watched the entire British TV series The Office over the weekend. It was quite good, if squirm-inducing at times. They pulled one of the more perfect endings I've seen to a sitcom, as well. I don't watch the American version, since I don't watch TV much at all anymore, but I did write a short spoof that incorporated elements of office culture, which I'll probably revise and try to shoot this year.

Going out

Last Saturday, I went to Nate's white trash theme party. It was pretty fun, but for some reason, none of the liquor stores were open, so I had to settle for beer. The costumes were great. I kept it simple with a white, see-through t-shirt, jeans shorts, and tennis shoes, but the highlight was the faux-preggers woman with rollers in her hair, a drink in one hand, and a cigarette in the other.

Last night, I saw The Proposition, a gory Australian Western that knocked my socks off. Seek this one out, if the preceding description interested you at all. You won't be sorry.

Tubing

OK, it was the Comal River we went tubing on, but next time it may be the Guadalupe. I hear that's more of a real river, and less of a theme park ride. Not that there was anything wrong with tubing the Comal, it was a lot of fun. I got some very weird sunburn shapes on my shoulders where I apparently didn't do a very good job applying the lotion, but nothing too terrible. It wore me out more than I expected, though. I was almost asleep by 10:00pm. That's what beer and sun will do to you on a hot afternoon.

All the latest

Gearing up for the weekend again tonight, since I have tomorrow off. I'll likely be going tubing on the Guadalupe River for the first time since I moved to Austin. I've wanted to go since I found out about it, but never had the opportunity until now. I hope the weather's good.

Last weekend was great, hanging out with friends, watching bands, walking around downtown, and driving through the northern neighborhoods at night. I'm coming out of a funk that's persisted on a low level since my computer blew up, and got worse when I started having some digestive problems a few weeks ago.

It's all better now, and I'm ready to get back to work on some music videos for spec. That and I'm buying new stuff for the business to actually make use of some of this capital that's been sitting in a checking account earning no interest for months.

On top of that, I think I've hit on a way to lose some weight that's not onerous and should work for me. I plan to start working out again Monday, after about a month's hiatus. That's the news.

Snakes on a Plane

OK, the upcoming movie Snakes on a Plane has officially become a pop culture event, months before its release. And I understand the appeal. The title says it all - Samuel L. Jackson said it was the reason he signed on, and when there was talk of changing it, the internet rose up in protest. It's become such a word of mouth phenomenon, Entertainment Weekly and others recently reported the production got more money out of the studio to make it that much more exciting and gross, in order to meet the raised expectations and get an R rating.

Why is this title so great? Snakes by their very nature stay as close to the ground as possible. There's something incongruous about such a creature flying thousands of feet above the Earth. They just don't belong.

Seeing as how I would love to make a movie that gets one-tenth the attention that this movie has already gotten in the press, I've been trying to come up with my own take on this concept. Here's what I've got so far:

Gophers on a Bus

An Octopus on my Head

Paris Hilton in a Movie

and my favorite...

U.S. Troops in Iraq

Do you have a better one? E-mail me.

Winding down

Wow. That was one hell of a week we just had.

So a friend of Phil's from Purdue, who I'd met once before, and her boyfriend, who I totally recognized but never figured out from where, drove down for SXSW. They crashed at our place from Tuesday to Sunday and it was a blast. A friend of Phil's friend happens to have moved to Austin a couple months ago, and she stayed with us a few nights too. On Saturday night, another friend of Phil's came up from San Antonio to hang out, and he stayed too. How we fit all these people in our living room I have no idea.

But now they're all gone, and I'm sitting here by myself and feeling lonely.

Come back soon, y'all.

Changing tastes

I just watched Sideways for the first time, while drinking a bottle of Solaz. I figured, if I was going to watch it, I might as well participate. This movie was very much in danger of drowning in critical praise last year, making it harder to enjoy on its own merits, but I did enjoy it, and the Solaz, a Spanish wine.

There's a scene in Sideways where the main character, played by Paul Giamatti, drinks wine out of a styrofoam cup. While never having done this myself, I did witness a similar scene my senior year of college, and it's still amusing. I never really drank wine much myself until the past year, since I get it free at work occasionally, and I've enjoyed it more than I expected.

One of my favorite wine-drinking memories goes back to 1997, when I spent a semester in Melbourne, Australia, on study abroad. For some reason still unknown to me, one of the women staying in my dorm, which catered to international students, meaning there were few Australians living there, invited me up to her room to drink a box of wine with her and a few other women staying there. Boxes of wine didn't carry quite the stigma there that they do, oh, pretty much everywhere else, and I was happy to join them. I don't remember what we talked about, but it was a fun time. It never happened again.

I have very occasionally picked up a bottle of wine since then, but that may change. I was having a conversation recently about taste, and we disagreed on one point. I've come around to the belief that taste changes dramatically as we get older. For instance, I rarely eat chocolate, specifically candy bars, anymore, but I loved them as a child. We always had candy in the cupboard when I was growing up, and I know I ate some every day. Not anymore. Maybe once a week on average, do I have anything chocolate other than milk. The way I see it, I've grown out of the taste for that kind of thing. In the same way, I believe we sometimes grow into a taste for something. For instance, alcohol.

When I was a kid, my father would sometimes give me a sip of beer, and I'm sure it amused him when I made a face and said it was gross. Needless to say, I no longer think beer is gross. I've grown into the taste for beer, wine, etc., some more than others. When I was young, my father never drank any other alcohol than beer, at least in my memory, but in the last ten years, he too has grown an appreciation for wine.

I don't think anybody's fooling themselves when they find a taste for alcohol as an adult. Tastes change. Just as kids who won't eat broccoli grow into adults who become vegan, I've found a taste for red wine, when time was I couldn't stand the stuff.

Drink up.

Getting Lost

In the last week, I watched the entire first season of Lost on dvd. I'd thought I stopped catching it consistently at about the halfway mark, but the fact was I'd seen all or most of every episode but the last four and one or two others. Makes me wish I'd kept up with it so I could've watched this season, but I figure they'll be releasing it on dvd soon after they air the season finale in May.

One thing that surprises me about watching it all at once like I did is how complex the characterization can be so quickly. One example would be Kate, the standout Canadian (both the character and actress). It's clear the writers want Kate to be a hero to the audience, and maybe they even consider her noble on some level, though I've yet to see much reason why. Personally, I find her more interesting as a villain, and I hope the show comes around on this point, because Evangeline Lilly is a fantastic actress, and behind her smiles I always detect a hint of deception.

And how ballsy was it to make Sayid ex-Republican Guard? Or Charlie a functioning heroin addict? This show definitely deserves the kudos directed its way.

Not down the drain.

Critters

We've never had a big roach problem here, but every once in a while I'll find a carcass the cat has picked over pinned underneath something - yoga mat, the cat's bed, a trash can. I hadn't seen a live one in months until last week, and then there was the one today.

We seal our open food packages in plastic ziploc bags to keep them fresh and the smell contained, and dirty dishes are either washed when we're done eating or go straight in the washer, and this has been effective. A couple weeks after we moved in, when I was still leaving my cat's food dish on the floor, I watched the biggest roach I had ever seen actually pick up a piece of her dry cat food and begin to carry it off before I killed it. That was disgusting.

The one in my shower when I got home today was about that size. I was pulling a wash cloth out to throw it in the laundry when I saw the thing, and being sporting, I grabbed the cat and gave her a chance at it, but she wasn't very interested and didn't like being in the shower, even with no water running. However, as soon as I put her in, the roach went for the drain, and the damn thing was so big it couldn't fit through the porous metal plate that covers it (see picture above - the quarter is to show you the size of the holes in the plate). And it was trying to squeeze through, believe me. It's little legs were scurrying but it couldn't fit more than its head through one of those holes.

Well, needless to say we won't be worrying about that particular roach anymore, but when I stomped it, there was some foul, utterly black substance that it left on the shower tiles that I don't think I'd ever seen before. And this before I ate supper. Anyway, that's my adventure for today.

Return to form

I just finished watching The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and I enjoyed it more than I expected to. The thing that made it so appealing was probably Bill Murray in the title role. For some reason, I expected his character from The Royal Tenenbaums (also directed by Wes Anderson) given a feature, but thankfully that wasn't the case. Instead, Steve Zissou is much more like the old Bill Murray persona most people remember so fondly from the 1980's and early 1990's, before he made a few bad choices and pretty much disappeared for a while. He's still living in Anderson's world, but he's recognizable again, and you can't help but laugh along with him. Props also to Willem Dafoe, who steals most of his scenes with a funny German accent and wounded pride.

Sweet charity

So I turned my computer on today and got a whiff of that old familiar smell, burning electronics. This time it was the (quite old) monitor I was using as my primary. My secondary is fine, so I'm just using it now.

The one that fried is one of four that I got for free from my last place of employment, when they replaced all the monitors. I took one for myself and gave three to my cousin. Shortly thereafter, the one I picked crapped out, so I asked Jim for one of the ones I gave him. That one worked for at least a year if I remember right, then green lines became visible scrolling down the screen, so I swapped that for one of the remaining two he had, since he didn't mind the lines, and he had I think four monitors at home at that point. I've been using it at least two years without a problem, until today.

By my count, that means he has one more of the monitors I gave him that still works correctly. Hmm....

Freedom vs. outrage

I recently got an email regarding the Muslim rioting in response to the cartoons depicting Mohammed as a terrorist. The writer asked my thoughts on why comparable depictions of Christ, or people like Kanye West comparing themselves to Christ, and the reactions of Christians are not cited in the media as being peaceful as opposed to the violence we are seeing now from Muslims, and also why images offensive to Christians are so tolerated in the first place. He claimed an NPR reporter had seemed to "condone" the rioting. I thought I'd publish some of my response here, as I hadn't really explored my thoughts on the subject before in writing. Ellipses signify an edit. This exchange happened last week, and his email was the first I'd heard of these events.

...I didn't hear the show you describe on NPR,
but the way you put it it sounds like you are
equating understanding with condoning.  This is
a common smear used by the right because it makes
them look uncompromising.  However, none but the
most radical leftist will say the violence being
perpetrated is justified and "right", i.e. they
condone it.  What many Democrats have said since
9/11 is that in order to fight the radical
elements of Islam (which are, as you note, a
small portion of all Muslims), we have to
understand how they think, what they want, and
what they are doing to achieve it.  If we
understand their tactics, we can develop counter-
tactics (some that do not involve violence, and
others that do-almost no one voted against the
invasion of Afghanistan, for example).  The major
critique of the Bush administration is that they
didn't bother to understand the enemy before they
began the attack, and they didn't pursue the non-
violent measures the way they should have.  Then
they tried to play catch up when things went south,
which predictably enough is not as effective and it
may be too late, in any case.

If you truly believe no one in the media is
pointing out some Muslims commonly react to outrage
with violence, you don't consume much media.  That
viewpoint is never more than a click away if that's
what you want to hear.  One reason it's not more
widespread is that it can be misused by people with
agendas to foment racism and violence here at home. 
For an example, see Hotel Rwanda.  When people with
a "public voice", as you put it, start putting
their own "people" above another "people", it has
in the past led to disaster, so it is avoided.... 

You identify the cover photo [of Kanye West on the
cover of Rolling Stone-ed.] as a satire of Jesus...
I'm not sure it meets the definition of satire,
since that implies an attack.  It sounds more like
West has a messiah complex and wants to be compared
to Jesus.  This may be silly and distasteful, but
why would he want to be identified with a figure he
didn't respect?  Does he equate his behavior to
Jesus's behavior, or just his suffering?...If we
were to agree showing disrespect to Jesus was
unacceptable, what should we do about it?  Lock up
the people making the depictions?  Who decides
what's disrespectful?  This is why we live under
separation of church and state.  The church gets to
decide what's disrespectful, and the state gets to
lock people up.  But one doesn't get to tell the
other what to do, and that allows us freedom of
religion.  Different churches find different things
disrespectful, but we all live together in relative
peace.

...For as long as there are people willing to be
offended by something, there will be people who
want to offend them, and some of what they do will
qualify as art, even to you and me.  But if [some]
hypothetical Christians took to throwing bombs at
Rolling Stone headquarters, you can bet it would
make the news, and some reporters would make it
their business to understand what these people
wanted and tell the rest of the world.  Pundits
would attack and defend them, just like they do
the Muslims....

Christians haven't always persecuted Muslims,
and Muslims haven't always persecuted Christians
...There have been periods of peace and periods
of war, not just because of religion either.  But
if you want to say Christians are inherently less
bloodthirsty than Muslims because of their
religion, you're ignoring your history.  The
difference between them stems from the fact that
the vast majority of Christian leaders decided to
ignore the justifications in the Bible for
violence (and they're there) and instead to preach
and teach the parts of the Bible that focus on
forgiveness and salvation.  The Muslim clergy have
not yet reached that point [of minimizing the
justification for violence-ed.], although they
were moving in that direction until the rise of
Wahhabism in the last century.

It may just be a matter of time until they catch
up in that respect, or they may regress.  We had
several hundred years' head start on them,
remember.  The world's a different place, and if
terrorism had been possible when the Inquisition
was going on, who's to say it wouldn't have spread
to England and France?  We're not as different as
we may seem based on the fanatics....

A whole new world

Just got back from watching The Chronic-what?-cles of Narnia, and color me impressed. This is one of the best fantasy films I've seen. Granted there aren't a whole lot of them, but this ranks up there with Lord of the Rings in terms of quality, if not kind. It's somewhat more whimsical, a little more kid-friendly, and part of it takes place in our world, but the story drew me in right off the bat and never lost me. No wonder this movie stole King Kong's crown. They also managed to shoot it in New Zealand and not make it look just like the LotR movies.

When it rains, it pours

The shoes just keep dropping in the Middle East. First Arafat's death, then Sharon's formation of a new party in Israel, then his stroke leaving the party in question, now the Palestinian election of Hamas to form a government. Hamas asks Abbas to stay in government, while his own party, Fatah, now wants him to quit. Now there's hope politics may moderate Hamas' policies, while the West prepares to cut off all aid to the new government, hamstringing any efforts they may make to improve the Palestinian's infrastructure.

There's plenty reason to believe Hamas would use at least some of that money to build an army to fight Israel, with more terrorists or just by raising a conventional army, but it's also true that they have made successful attempts to create social programs in the absence of any help from the Palestinian Authority, one of the reasons both for the new hope and likely for their election to office.

The only way I can think of to continue that kind of aid in this situation would be to take a page from the Russians in their dealing with Iran. They've offered to help Iran's nuclear program continue to develop as long as they retain control of the fuel, so that Iran can't use it to develop nuclear weapons. Perhaps the West could use a similar intermediary to control the purse strings on all the aid we've been providing, while Hamas continues to administer it to the Palestinian citizenry. (Abbas comes to mind, but even Israel is a possibility.) It all depends on how serious Hamas is about helping people as opposed to destroying them. I guess we're about to find out.

Going to the chapel

I went up to D/FW for the wedding this weekend. The dvd I made played fine at the rehearsal dinner the night before, so I've got that going for me, which is nice. It was quite an event. 700 people. Taking over a convention center for the reception. Five open bars, one made of ice and dedicated to martinis and cosmos. The food was good, the booze was free, the band rocked, and a good time was had by all.

The night before I saw the Spazzmatics in a little dance club I used to go to once in a while when I lived up there. They dress like Revenge of the Nerds and play nothing but 80's covers. It was great.

Frustration

I've been tearing my non-existent hair out since Monday, when I tried to render my latest video project, the first since the meltdown. Well, it didn't work, and I spent death time in tech support over the last few days to make it work, only to find that it now renders, but doesn't recognize the DVD burner, so I couldn't put the renders on anything to turn in the project. This is a Sony DVD burner, that is nevertheless not recognized by a Sony software product. Isn't the point of corporate synergy to make products work well together, to encourage more sales of the same brand? I spent 25 minutes on the phone this afternoon to get help with this only to be told, "We only support the burner and the stuff that came with it. You'll have to call [another Sony department's help number] to get help for that." Luckily, with an assist from Phil, I got it done on a different computer, but all the time lost this week has meant I couldn't do another pass on the edit, meaning a final cut that is not as good as it could have been, and that really burns me up. Not least because I could have discovered this earlier if I'd worked more on it earlier, instead of putting it off and working in short bursts over the last month and a half. Arrgh.

New grill

Weekend happenings

I went running today for the first time in years for my "get in shape" strategy for 2006. After 20 minutes, I could barely catch my breath. The weather was perfect for it, though.

I just got back from playing guitar at a friend's apartment for a few hours. I now have blisters on two fingers. That's a sign it had been far too long since I played for any length of time. It was a lot of fun.

Phil's working on an independent film shoot not far from Austin for the next few weeks. I plan to accompany him tomorrow and see how it looks.

We went to the 20th anniversary party for the Austin Film Society Friday night. Richard Linklater was there and gave a little speech, and I saw at least one person I recognized from the Annoud's Journey shoot last year and said hi. The free book they gave out to members is pretty cool.

Bring on the barbie

I actually managed to be productive this afternoon. I went out and bought a new grill to replace the free one I got off Craigslist shortly after we moved in, and which died last summer. I used a gift certificate I got from some good friends of the family for Christmas (get well soon, Art!), so it only cost me $12.53. It took me two hours to assemble in my living room, and it puts the old one to shame. On the other hand, the "hub caps" (instruction manual's term) that were supposed to snap on to the plastic wheels immediately snapped into pieces. Since the only purpose of these things was to advertise the brand name, as it was printed on them, I would have thought they'd make them a little sturdier.

I'll have pictures for you after my camera batteries charge up. I haven't touched it since I left for Christmas and forgot it, meaning my vacation pics were all taken on my cell phone, and it wouldn't even turn all the way on when I tried to use it a few minutes ago.

One long post

Well, it's been a while. Lots of stuff to talk about.

First off, another unnecessarily grueling trip to rival the Las Vegas fiasco. I was sitting in the plane on the tarmac, and we backed away from the gate. Then we stopped. We sat there a few minutes, then the pilot tells us the left engine won't start, so we pull back into the gate and deboard. I rebooked through Chicago to Indianapolis, then rented a car and drove the rest of the way home. I got there at 11:00pm Christmas Eve. At least everyone was still there, and awake. I will never try to save money by flying into airports other than CVG again. It is so not worth it.

The actual vacation was cool, but hectic. I was always running somewhere, and it wore me down. I got to see almost everyone, so that was good, but I was more tired when I got back to Austin than I was when I left. I'm going to have to scale back the travel for future visits home.

Speaking of getting back to Austin, I missed the last connecting bus by half an hour, so I had to call a cab from the corner of Trinity and MLK. There was a truck across the intersection that kept squealing its tires and jerking forward, raring to go. This went on for a full five minutes, before he finally ran the red light. That light didn't change to green in the half hour I was standing there. I don't know what was going on, but the pedestrian light would go to red, then back to white, over and over, without the traffic light ever changing.

The next day, I got an email from C saying she was going to give her last ex another shot. Getting dumped by email was a new experience for me. I didn't care for it all that much.

Then a busy week at work went by in a hurry, ending with my evaluation, which came out even better than I hoped. I was very happy with the resulting bonus and raise. You might say it turned a frown upside-down.

I've been working on a video project for a guy at work, and he came over to check it out. It sounds like he's happy with it, which is always rewarding. The next night, he and I and another guy we work with met at the Ginger Man for the monthly beer tasting. It started raining about halfway through, so we all moved indoors, where it was cramped but warm. Outside, the temperature had dropped precipitously since the sun went down, and wind gusts were turning over the wine glasses we were using for the beer tasting.

Ramzi wasn't able to recover anything from the hard drives. Not a big surprise, but still disappointing. I guess I'll need to rerecord some tunes. I don't know when I'll get around to the pictures.

I'm going to start looking for a house in the next month or two, probably in south Austin. Phil says he's sticking around for at least a few years, so we'll probably split it, at least in the short term.

I'll be heading up to Fort Worth the weekend after next for a wedding, so I guess I need to start watching Jim's Lost Season 1 dvds so I can give them back to him while I'm there.

Today I worked out at the building weight room after work for about half an hour. It was the first time I'd touched weights since I completed physical therapy for my shoulder three years ago or so. I decided I'd better ease into it to make sure I don't strain anything. Working out and writing more are my two New Year's resolutions.